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Whats life? Is it just an accident? Or a chaotic mess?











I'm nothing but a shadow


left alone in the darkness


when SHE has gone, she's taken the fire


it's so cold


no hope, no feelings, no dreams, no face...


I'm all alone










"Whether to be or not to be, that's the question!"


If you think about this, there are two ways of thinking:



1. If we are, why are we? What's the sense of our life?


Woudn't the world be better without the human beings?



2. If we are not, what's this thing we call life? Is it just some
kind of illusion? Is it a dream? Are we maybe the
dream of someone else? Someone...on a higher level?
If it is a dream, it must be a nightmare...











"Hanging from the ceiling life's a mobile


spinning round with mixed feelings crazy


& wild...sometimes I wanna scream out

loud"


(by A.L.)





I just have one wish: to be on the same level as anybody else.

Sometimes I'm really upset, when other people try to ignore
me or look in this strange way, because...I am what I am.

Other times I just think: Fuck you all!!! But that can't be the
solution...It's too easy.





Sometimes IT overcomes me

this overwhelming feeling, which I can't describe in words

IT makes me nearly break inside...I hope this will never happen
I really don't know what would happen...I even don't want to find it out

IT, IT, IT makes me crying...the feeling of being drowned in an ocean...

I'm yelling loudly...Can anyone hear me? Help me...

I'm so helpless










I try not to feel. It's dangereous to feel.

So I don't feel...really?

There's not much missing...and I'll break













Everytime I see HER, I fall in love again...

everytime I see HER, my heart breaks again....

How many times can a heart break? I don't know...maybe I'll find it out...and die











I'm confused...is it possible that out there is someone???

I wanna be happy...but I can't...I'm trapped...I'm fixed...can't move....must be an illusion










New hope???!



Is it possible there's still some hope left deep inside..?
maybe...it's good to have someone...maybe my life's gonna change...a new sense, that would be...good...but I'm scared, don't wanna be hurt...








I feel light and warmth falling in my icebound, stiff heart. Maybe a new life,...another chance? I'm so scared...scared...the stronger it becomes, the more scared I am. Don't wanna lose this feeling....it's just a dream...but I never wanna wake up again...please!!!!!





dreams...dreams...dreams



I don't live my dreams...I dream my life...I'm scared




I'm confused...I can't say...I can't tell...can't do anything...like a little child...so...aaahhh...I'm xxxxxxxxx?????????

















































where the words are missing....longing, longing...and...longing...































WHY????? WHy???? Why??? why??....?


























































I feel sad...lonely and sad....no place for me in this world
IT bites me, IT is penetrating me....I want to cry....



to be continued on my second blog...



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